Starting
Starting this up, starting over again.
Rewinding it reversing it to point a.
Pulling back out of park to handle my drive.
Fixing this my wits are here near my new back.
Do it now wish you would I got it this game.
Salting on slugs? But staring at broken shells
Casting down eyes can't see where my spot is soft.
Damning it cause I'm cutting you up down off,
Fuck dude stop I started and you fuck you finished.
Yeah so I didn't mean for this to turn angry at the end. I wanted it to sound optimistic but halfway through I started thinking about times where I've had to get away from negative people who prey on people they see as weak.
I think the draft can use revision in a couple of sections, Samaria. At the end of the second line in the first stanza, you say “point a.” This has been seen before. Maybe you can say, “…the canal” or another event in the beginning, that the readers can imagine what you are trying to say. Also, some punctuation can be used to help the readers to pause as needed. In the fourth line of the first stanza a comma can be used between, “this” and “my”. The fifth line in the same stanza a comma can also be used. The comma can be placed between “it” and “this”. It is important to use punctuation as need, and using images that has not been used; to describe images in away never heard.
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