Wise whirling wind from the
sunkest of bowels in melody in sync.
It loops through the air until it
kneads your ear instrument.
Emotions and sound-musing
now it means to you.
This is very short and sweet yet it was difficult for me to read. Sunkest was a word the held me up and was hard to speak when reciting. Ear instrument sounds weird. Its certainly unique way of phrasing, however im not sure it suits the piece. it sounds technical and disrupts the "flow" which is very whimsical. Its a very sweet in concept poem that you just want to roll with. I think you should continuing writing on it :)
This is very short and sweet yet it was difficult for me to read. Sunkest was a word the held me up and was hard to speak when reciting. Ear instrument sounds weird. Its certainly unique way of phrasing, however im not sure it suits the piece. it sounds technical and disrupts the "flow" which is very whimsical. Its a very sweet in concept poem that you just want to roll with. I think you should continuing writing on it :)
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